Back in 2018 (feels like a few lifetimes ago), at our Hearst magazine Christmas party (yep, those happened once upon a time), there was a white elephant–themed gift-giving shang-a-lang. The particular twist on this one was to put a gift on the table that in some way spoke to a thing you couldn’t live without in your day to day. I got esoteric and bought a copy of a book called In the Company of Women that a friend had gotten me for my birthday. There was a suction-cup wine holder for the shower/bath that for a minute was the most coveted gift, spending some go-rounds being taken and untaken and taken again. But then someone picked up the package our creative director, Peter, had laid on the table. A Ruth Bader Ginsburg tree ornament. The crackle in the room was loud. Everyone. Wanted. That. Gift. And once it was claimed for the final time, I’ve no doubt those of us who hadn’t ended up with it, were all just a little less happy with what we walked out with. Me, I left the room with a Starbucks gift card and a bag of coffee, because of course I did. The next week, before we broke for the holiday, I found a little bundle on my desk. Peter, so kind, had gifted me with my own RBG. It felt like there really was a Santa Claus. I took her home and hung her near some Christmas lights, then I brought her back in the new year and placed her on a pushpin next to a photo of Winnie Swingle, a pen-pal I had from Lula, Georgia (more about her in a future post).

What was it about Ruth Bader Ginsburg that resonated with me? Many things, but the one I’m landing on here is her thoughtfulness. Not in the definition of “showing consideration for the needs of other people” but rather “showing careful consideration or attention.” Someone who was full of thought, and took her time to share it. Nina Totenberg, NPR’s correspondent for legal affairs, was interviewed over the weekend on PBS about her friendship with RBG and said, “She never said ‘um’ ever. Ever. It was not a comma for her, it was not a word. She was not about to utter it. She thought and then she spoke.” These pauses of hers always struck me as remarkable because to hear Ruth Bader Ginsburg speak, it was abundantly clear that in this time of fast patter and the filling up of conversational spaces, to be dedicated enough in words and thoughts to take time is almost like finding a unicorn under a double rainbow. As I recognize in myself the discomfort of unoccupied space in a conversation, I was always reminded and inspired by her commitment to pause. To think. Not react because you want to have the first word or prove that you know something, but to listen truly, formulate your thoughts—no one else’s—then respond.

Dennis had the pleasure of working at an event at Amherst College in 2019 where she spoke. And besides the fact that there was extra pressure to make sure NOTHING happened to her (no spare cords laying around to be tripped over), the magic of RBG was palpable from the live feed I watched. Of course her thoughts were concise and clear, and you could practically hear her mind working over the considered answers to the questions the women in the audience were asking. It felt both a necessity and a privilege to listen. And again I was struck by the authenticity of her. And because of the absence of that quality in so many humans we put front and center today, the wonder of her felt even sharper. If there’s any bonus about our pandemic times, it was that you could listen to the Supreme Court in action given they were phoning it in during the last months of the 2020 session. In May, a case about companies limiting contraceptive coverage came up before the court and I listened. Again, RBG’s questioning, not a lot of it, but precise, was amazing to hear. I feel lucky that she lived in my time and continues to resonate beyond whatever political insanity will now come on the heels of her death.

As a guiding star, I have my RBG talisman to remind me about bravery in self, how to be silent and trust in the ability to arrive at one’s own thought or conclusion, and if there needs to be more information, to ask.

Thank you for that, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.