Now that we’re all used to seeing each other’s faces in halves in public and wholes via video screens, there are a few funny things I’ve noticed. Bypassing the crazy just-breathe stress spike that happens when I see the maskless dweebles out and about, when I’m among those who care for each other, the way in which face coverings alter people’s interactions is fask-inatin’. For instance, having spent three-plus decades in a city where averted eyes in public were the norm—if not recommended—activity while walking down the street with one-or-so million of your neighbors, it’s not a new impulse to avoid eye contact. Here in Redlands, when I make my rounds on foot whether strolling for the exercise or doing errand-y things to avoid the driving, if I pass anyone on the sidewalk (&they do have them here), nine-out-of-ten times the person will nod and look away quickly as if guilty, like being outside is somehow wrong. I think this impulse has curbed slightly over the months and now people just stare straight ahead, but there is a sense of what-the-f-ness, I have a piece of cloth covering half my face, don’t-look-at-me vibe. Do we want to be invisible? To be honest, I haven’t been sad to exercise neutral resting face during the times I might have filled up the space with small talk and somewhat fake smiles. I’m learning to be okay with sharing a laundry room in silence. People also talk about smizing. I imagine that the smiling with your eyes situation is a thing and am happy to report that the crinkles around my eyes can come in handy for these moments.

One place where full faces are on display are video calls (Zoom, FaceTime, Google Hang, choose your poison). Really, more than faces are exposed. There are the right-before-the-person-knows-you’re-there expressions, the surrounding tchotchke displays, the books arranged with a special kind of message, and other what-not moments. (If you haven’t seen this hilarious video from pre-pandemic 2017–yes, there was such a time–of a man reporting remotely when his toddler, then baby, then wife break in, it’s so worth it! The sheer girl-power attitude at 21 seconds followed by the mom’s all-out save is epic!) While I haven’t experienced any kind of high drama, probably because I don’t do that many meetings/calls, there is one thing I’ve learned to love the most: the sign-offs. Admittedly, I’m crap at signing off on any sort of call, face or no face. Inevitably, I’ll say a variation of all these things before actually hanging up (and for those who know me, you’ll recognize): “Have fun,” “See you,” “Bye,” “Enjoy,” “Okay, then,” and depending on our relationship “Love you.” This can all go on for an uncomfortable amount of time. I truly admire people who just say “Bye” and disconnect. But I’m not one of those people. Yet, anyway. Face-to-face calls are even more exciting&enjoyable because amongst all those words, there’s also the “where’s the disconnect?” face. It ranges from scrunchy nose-eye activity while searching for the button to super close-up face and finger right before it all goes black. I like it. To almost a person, there is a technique of ending a call that makes me smile.

So that’s fun. You know what else is fun? Giving!!!! Giving is a blast and it is that season now. I’ve come to the time in my life that unless the thing is supporting something worthy, then it’s not worth paying money for. For instance, no, I will not buy any books from Amazon or B&N, big-box like places. Only independent bookstores. And now, because of the pandemic, they have really had to up their online game. You can find out if your favorite local bookstore is doing curb or online service and support them please! Also Better World Books is a national online service that I like. I just saw a story about the mother/daughter team that run Source Booksellers in Detroit and they are amazing!!! Janet Webster Jones and her daughter Alyson Jones Turner are a fierce team. She’s in her 80s and is who I aim to be in the future. Speaking of masks and Detroit (yeah, we were), Diop designs are beautiful, made with West African fabrics that bring the color, which I feel is crucial in the here and now. (They also have some really cool bucket hats.) My friend Judy sent Dennis and I two of the most beautiful masks made in Canada by First Nations folx. They’re hand embroidered and so lovely. Here are a beautiful selection (although maybe not from the same place, so I hope she posts the source in the comments). And speaking of Indigenous people, my friend Windy posted this really amazing Land Acknowledgement tool where you put in your zip code and find out what native peoples lived on the land where you stand. This is an open-source project that I’ve signed up for here to give a monthly amount to so they can keep up their research. And speaking of monthly, my regulars: The Loveland Foundation, Black Lives Matter, and Planned Parenthood have become and remained as vital as ever, ever, ever in this year, and sadly, that won’t change anytime soon. I’ve also added Feeding America to the monthly list, because, again, this year. The magnitude is hard to wrap around, so if you’re a housed and fed-on-the-regular person with a smidge of ability to give, now is the time. All in all, whether I’m making a donation in someone’s name this year or exploring Nicholas Kristof’s Holiday Impact ideas, this is a year like no other where bringing the smiles, whether anyone sees them or not/face masks or no, it feels better to know a difference is being made.

What are some holiday giving moments you’re into? & thanks for being here!