I’m just now stepping back into current events be they global and/or national, albeit very slowly. I’m being choosy about where I put my attention (a couple of things that have been helpful). As I mentioned last week, seeing and talking to the good people in my life has been the thing to lift me. And many of those folx are going through their own amount of personal challenges so it’s really a matter of them simply being in my life rather than them doing anything in particular while there. A friend had mentioned when we were talking about how boom-boom-boom life has felt lately, that perhaps this is just being an adult. And while I don’t disagree that growing into mid-age and beyond brings more rather than less events to contend with, it feels to me that the last two months have been particularly gnarly with stuff both big and small.

On the topic of aging, it’s actually something I’ve been really happy doing. In terms of physicality, I was never in better shape than when I was 50, the year I met Dennis. I was training for my third marathon and had been at SFactor for two-ish years, while riding my little bicycle up and down all sorts of hills from Washington Heights downtown and up again, my body was in agile shape and I was learning how to understand my mind and heart in all manner of past&current stuff. And on from there into age 60 and beyond, the world has turned, and while it’s been clear that all of us rolling into the land of older face very distinct physical challenges that have affected friends one&all, and remind me that aging/changing bodies are inescapable cellularly, my mind has no sense of what my age is supposed to feel like. Unlike the outer layers where for sure the skin tells tales, the inner bits of me spin stories of flotsam&jetsom with no specific age marker attached. This mindscape is enjoyable, so it’s been a real shake-up to be reminded in a truly concrete way of where my age puts me as far as my career is concerned, especially since I’m not ready to hang up my copy editor’s hat even in the face of a publishing industry that’s crumbling faster than the rocks of ancient pyramids. To me, that’s meant widening my search beyond traditional places. And sure, that’s great except that I’ve also been forced to see more clearly how the work-world sees folx who’ve crossed beyond 50 (and in some careers, the 40 marker—or perhaps earlier—is the thing).

A few weeks ago, I had to show up for my first NYState department of labor meeting after signing up for unemployment. It was the day before the election and I showed up carrying a satchel of attitude: main compartment of “what could you possibly have to tell me about getting a job,” side pockets carrying scraps of “leave me be,” “who are you?,” and “I’m only here because I have to be.” Obviously, my DOL career counselor was used to that given her chipper attitude was turned up to 11, which did nothing for my mood. Anyhow, when I stepped out the door 90 minutes later, I had learned a couple of things: She did not exist to be an evil force in my life and perhaps could even be helpful; I would need to cleave my résumé in two so that the AI bots and occasional humans checking my CV would not be scared away by over 10 years of service in this industry I love. I mean, sure, there are some oddball things in there that veered off the traditional publishing road (I’m looking at you Jane Pratt TV, Elektra Records, and teaching in the public schools) but mostly the places I’ve thrived have been in magazine-land, a place that is … well, see above reference to monuments crumbling. I disappeared the Rolling Stone and SPIN moments, which was hard since my ego had (&has) been so tied to that time in my life.

I mean, it’s not that I’m any less proud of those accomplishments, it’s just weird to think about how their more in service to stories now than actual job-getting. Plus it’s funny that there was a time when I didn’t have enough to put on a CV and now I have too much. And rather than let that sit somewhere in me and calcify into a certain feeling about getting older, I needed to find a way to accept that. Then, while processing that, I became ensnared in an employment scam, which, if you want to hear the whole story or it, click the sound file below. (Short version: A weird online-only interview led to a job offer for a full-time, excellent-salaried, all-benefits-included copywriter job [p.s., I’m not a copywriter]. I knew this too-quickly-offered job couldn’t be true and not just because I’m old—although I think having been round and round the blox a bit, that helped—and in fact this situation turned out to be a way for scammers to get a color copy of my license and/or passport, which they didn’t get. But the length&depth of the scam was pretty impressive.)

So, long&short of it: Apparently you’re never to old to learn new things be they crazy, complementary, or wholly mind-spinning.